Tigers Weekly 2004 Season

Week 1: 4/5/04 - 4/12/04

Well it was a rough first week as the Tigers started
the year 0-6. Looks like we're in for another
long...oh wait.  That intro was SO 2002-2003.  Let's
do this thing up right.
 
Right now I am feeling the fever, and it isn't for
more cowbell.  The Tigers have defied the odds and the
experts and have exploded to a 5-1 start thus sitting
alone atop the American League.  Only the Florida
Marlins (the defending champs) have a record that
equals Detroit's.  Decent pitching, combined with
ample hitting, has propelled the team to their best
start since the 1985 season.  This is very encouraging
to a team that started the previous two years 0-11 and
0-9.  For now they are the surprise story of the
season.  If they keep things up, the word "contender"
could be used in the same sentence as "Higginson." 
Unfathomable!
 
New Subscribers:  A couple of new readers on board
this week.  Hope to be hearing from them in the
future.
 
Jason "Billy" Martin
Molly "Double" Parker
 
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Week of 4/5 - 4/12
 
Record:  5-1  WWWW-LW-
 
Undy Five Hundy:  Ladies and gentlemen, this is a
historic moment.  We are breaking new ground here in
this edition of Tigers Weekly.  In its third season of
existence, the index famous for its rhyme, its size,
and its humor, assumes a new role.  For the first time
ever, the Undy Five Hundy index is in the negative. 
After one week of baseball, UFH is at -4.  I could
have created a new index, but love dies hard. 
 
Up Next for the Tigers...

April 13-15   Toronto
April 16-19   Cleveland 
 
AL Central Standings

DET  5 1 -
KCR  4 2 1
CWS  3 3 2
MIN  3 4 2.5
CLE  3 5 3
 
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Poll Question...
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As I watched Baseball Tonight, I couldn't help but
notice how much the crew was kowtowing to the Yankees.
Though I'm used to it, the overexposure drags on me. 
Ugh, this Bonds butt-kissing is wearing on me as well.
I wish that he had tied Mays on the last day of the
season last year so that we could have just skipped it
and focused on the playoffs. Anyway...
 
Which is the worst case of overexposure in
professional sports?

Some suggestions...
NBA  - Lakers
MLB  - Yankees
NHL  - Red Wings
Golf - Tiger Woods
 
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The Lost Boys...
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Every year, certain e-mail addresses go dead, and the
mailer_daemon floods my mailbox with return messages. 
If you could, please send me an updated address for
the people listed here.  Thanks.
 
Christian VanSlooten
Matt Schramm
Ben Fowls
Douglas Lee
Caleb Griffis
 
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Dmitri Goes Down...
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I am going to petition Major League Baseball that the
Toronto Blue Jays never be allowed to open the season
at home again.  Last year, Derek Jeter injured his
shoulder sliding into third on opening day.  Tuesday,
Dmitri Young became SkyDome's latest casualty. 
Attempting to stop on a double play ball, Dmitri's
foot caught on the turf (it was a nasty sight) and he
fractured a tibia.  The initial prognosis is at least
six weeks on the shelf.  This is a huge blow to the
Tigers, who are out of the gates quickly but don't
have a very deep bench.  Plus I'm going to miss seeing
the hairstyles.  Guess I'll have to suffer through an
NBA game to see Big Ben Wallace's fro. 
 
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"The Most Dispicable Baseball Figure" Tournament...
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Again, I will accept nominations for the most
dispicable baseball figure.  People on the original
list are
 
George Steinbrenner
Bud Selig
Marge Schott
Donald Fehr
Barry Bonds
Albert Belle
Ty Cobb
Paul O'Neill
Pete Rose
Mo Vaughn
Roberto Alomar
Sammy Sosa
Gaylord Perry
Billy Martin
Rickey Henderson
Bobby Valentine
 
Others added through my own recollections and readers
nominations are
 
Juan Gonzalez
Bobby Higginson
Peter Gammons
John Kruk
Jose Canseco
Roger Clemens
Karim Garcia
 
The tournament will start next week, and I'll try and
construct a bracket so you can all keep track at home.
 
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Game Linescores...
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April 5:  Detroit 7 - Toronto 0
Starters:  DET: Johnson 6IP - TOR: Halladay 6.2IP
DET  000 103 300  7 11 0
TOR  000 000 000  0  8 1
W: Johnson  (1-0)
L: Halladay (0-1)
 
April 6:  Detroit 7 - Toronto 3
Starters:  DET: Maroth 5IP - TOR: Batista 5IP
DET  200 202 010  7 12 1
TOR  000 210 000  3  6 1
W: Maroth    (1-0)
L: Batista   (0-1)
S: Robertson (1)
 
April 7:  Detroit 6 - Toronto 3
Starters:  DET: Bonderman 5.1IP - TOR: Hentgen 5.2IP
DET  040 110 000  6 6 0
TOR  300 000 000  3 5 2
W: Bonderman (1-0)
L: Hentgen   (0-1)
 
April 8:  Minnesota 6 - Detroit 10
Starters:  MIN: Silva 6IP - DET: Cornejo 7IP
MIN  210 000 100   6 10 0
DET  000 004 51X  10 14 1
W: Cornejo (1-0)
L: Fultz   (0-1)

--- 
Toolie Sees a Ball Game...
 
Ahahahaha!!!  Thanks to Matthew "Taxman" Brady, I was
able to attend my first ever home opener.  I got down
to Royal Oak on Wednesday, and we had a good night
shooting pool and the breeze.  
 
Thursday was the day.  We got up relatively early and
were in Detroit by around 10:45AM.  We found a place
called Elwood's Bar and Grill, which is right by
Comerica and Ford Field, and met up with a friend of
Matty's.  There, on the "patio," we enjoyed 12oz. Bud
Lights from a keg at four bucks a go.  It was good
times, and it helped ease the wait that we had until
the game was to get underway.  Having to use the
restroom, and seeing the crowd inside the bar, we
wandered into the stadium.
 
Once inside and relieved, we found our seats; sixth
row upper deck just left of the third base line on the
first base side.  These turned out to be entertaining
seats.  Our next line of business was to follow our
noses to those kielbasas we smelled on the way in. 
Well we found that sausage stand and shelled out 4.50
for the meat, bun, and peppers.  It was a steep price
for a dog, but when the contents of your stomach are
three beers and a PowerBar, the marginal utility of
that dog goes way up.  Satisfied with our snack, but
chilled from the high winds, we headed into the
upstairs lounge to warm up and have another beverage. 
Normally I stay away from alcohol at the game because
of the prices, but this was opening day and I was a
guest.  So I didn't want to be a wet blanket.  
 
On our way back to our seats we picked up two Ball
Parks each.  As we sat down, the ceremonial first
pitch was about to be thrown out.  Surprisingly,
Jennifer Granholm got booed when she was announced!  I
wasn't booing myself, I was laughing.  What a cold
reception from your own citizens!  Out of respect I
wouldn't boo, unless it was Osama Bin Laden or Mo
Vaughn up there.  Then the biggest shaft of them all
came.  The first pitch was not thrown out by Granholm,
but by the son of the mayor of Detroit.  I don't
remember the kids name.  Come on, this is the first
day of the season, and you're letting some spoiled kid
throw out the first pitch?  Even the Blue Jays got
Eugene Levy (better known as Jim's dad from the
American Pie movies) to do their honors.  Now that
would have been a first pitch.  Two fighter jets did a
flyover after the national anthem.  
 
So why were our seats entertaining?  Well at the start
of the day, Matty noticed that the phrase "obstructed
view" appeared on our tickets.  I knew that it
couldn't be a post, as this wasn't Tiger Stadium (I've
seen seats there that are practically inside a steel
pole).  But what we got were people coming up the
aisle to reach their seats.  Also, if they stood on
the landing, then we couldn't see the batter.  
 
So, already with some beers in us, and wanting to
actually watch the game, we let the games begin.  
 
Contestant #1:  Arctic Cat - Our first victim was this
dude wearing a checkered flag / neon green Arctic Cat
jacket.  He stood on the landing for about ten seconds
before I yelled out "Where's the race?"  and Matty
soon followed up with several taunts about the Arctic
Cat.  The guys behind us got a kick out of that.  The
genius was trying to find his buddies using the old
cell phone maneuver.  But he was going walkie talkie
on us, and that also drew some barbs. The fellas on
the aisle in row two also started to chuckle, and
eventually the Cat got the message.  
 
Contestant #2:  Bucky - Shortly after the Cat returned
to his lair, a pair of confused lovers came up the
steps and stayed there.  I was getting something ready
to say, when one of the guys behind me yells "Outta
the way Bucky."  I look and the lady has teeth that
would put a beaver to shame.  I try and stifle my
giggles, to no avail.  The two leave the landing
shortly.
 
Contestant #3:  Eric Estrada - Later in the game, a
Latino looking fellow with big hair assumes the
position of view obstruction, and decides he's going
to catch the game from there.  Brady busts out the
question "Is this ChiPs?"  Oh man, I was ready to roll
at this point.  He asks me the guy's name, and I was
able to come up with Eric Estrada, so Brady and the
guys behind us start laying into the guy until he
heads back behind the stands.
 
The guys behind us were a lot of fun to watch the game
with.  We talked a little baseball, and took turns
heckling the people that got in our way.  They enjoyed
their little joke that Matty and I had brought dates. 
Sitting next to us (next to me in particular) are a
couple of ladies that won't be found in an upcoming
isses of Maxim.  Had I wanted to plant one on the girl
next to me, I would have needed to employ a Schick
Tracer first.  So on many occasions, the guy behind me
would belt out "These guys brought dates."  which was
quite funny.  
 
On to the game.  The Twins were out of the gates
quickly, and it looked like the home opener would be a
dud.  But Cornejo settled down and kept the Tigers in
the game.  Starting in the sixth inning, the Tiger
bats woke up and began to turn the tide.  Four in the
sixth, five in the seventh, and one in the eight
totalled up to ten runs and a Tigers victory.  The
bullpen pitched pretty well.  The last two Twins runs
cmae in the ninth off of Colyer with a 10-3 lead (at
that time).  For the record, Dashing Donut won the
race, passing our guy Cuppy Coffee at the last second.
 
The celebration of the players and the fans after the
last out was recorded was wonderful to see and hear. 
It was definitely a different attitude than I'm used
to seeing around Comerica.  I hope to make many return
visits.
---
 
April 9:  no game scheduled...
 
April 10:  Minnesota 10 - Detroit 5
Starters:  MIN: Radke 5IP - DET: Johnson 2.1IP
MIN  024 020 002  10 15 0
DET  002 300 000   5  9 1
W: Radke (1-0)
L: Johnson (1-1)
 
April 11:  Minnesota 5 - Detroit 6  F/10
Starters:  MIN: Santana 5IP - DET: Maroth 6.1IP
MIN  000 001 310 0  5 14 1
DET  010 201 100 1  6 10 1
W: Colyer (1-0)
L: Roa    (1-1)
 
April 12:  no game scheduled...
 
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Readers Write In...
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"Poor Ole" Terry O'Toole
 
I'm ready, LETS ROLL !! (Hi Andy K)
Terry the Tool
 
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Steve "Ed" Sprague
 
NL Division Champs:
Phillies, Cubs and Dodgers.
Wild Card:  Astros
 
AL Division Champs:
Bo Sox, Twins and A's.
Wild Card:  Yankees
 
NLCS: Cubs over Astros in 7.
ALCS: Sox over A's.
World Series:  No winner as hell will freeze over and
the world will end if this does happen.
 
GO CUBS!  Stay home Bartman!
 
...
 
I forgot to predict about the Tigers.  I'll say they
win 20 more games this year, although that might not
be enough to get them out of the cellar of their
division.  Let's say 4th place just for fun.
 
Stephen Sprague
 
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Keith "Moreland" Miller
 
Good to get my Weekly.
 
I'd rip the Tigers, but I think they are actually
underrated. Playing in the pathetically week AL
Central, I think the Tigers won't be mathematically
eliminated until after my birthday (September 13).
 
I'd love to agree with you, Toolie, about my Mariners,
but I don't see them winning the West. Their bats are
as potent as last year's Dodgers. I may be pleasantly
surprised, but I don't know.
 
Projections with win totals:
BOS 102   CLE 82   OAK 91    TOR 97
PHI 99      HOU 96    SD 90      FLA 93
 
New York misses the playoffs despite 95 victories.
Tigers win 70! Mariners win 90, finish third.
 
ROYs: Bobby Crosby, Khalil Green
Cy Young: Curt Schilling, Jake Peavy
MVP: Carlos Delgado, Albert Pujols
 
Boston over Oakland in the ALCS, San Diego over
Houston in the NLCS
San Diego preserves the curse of the Bambino.
 
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Dallas "Senter Field" Senters
 
baseball is back...and i can get pumped, but am i
ciofani or o'toole (translate get over it or stay
pumped)
 
the reds try to make me ciofani with pitching.  the
indians try to make me o'toole with prospects. tigers
weekly keeps me in the o'toole camp. atta boy matt
 
predictions
al:   e-yankees  c-chisox   w-a's     wc-angels
nl:  e-phillies   c-astros    w-dbacks    wc-cubs
i got nothing after that except kitties in last
(sorry)
 
jose canseco needs to be despicable as does peter
gammons
 
the argument for jose canseco is pretty obvious but
gammons needs some explanation.  it isn't so much him
as it is SEEING him talk.  he really needs to be in
radio.  that's all i'm saying
 
dallas
 
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Nick "The Genius" Ciofani
 
I told everyone the Tigers would compete this season!!
 I am the only one, I am the GREATEST!  Go Tribe, as
well.
Nick
 
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John "Olerud" O'Toole
 
Matt:
 
Here's some interesting, but useless information on
the Tigers 4-0
start:
 
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/columns/story?columnist
=stark_jayson&id=1779172
 
Enjoying the weekly.  Keep em coming.
 
Uncle John
 
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Toolie's Trashtalk...
 
It's late and I am having trouble focusing, so I will
try and make this short.
 
I LOVE IT!  I couldn't ask for a much better start
than this.  The Tigers are scoring runs at a
tremendous pace, and they are getting production from
almost every place on the field.  They have shown an
ability to regain momentum and to come back from
deficits.  The pitching hasn't been too grand so far,
but we'll hope that changes.  Focusing on the
positive, we have that the Tigers are batting .291
with an on base percentage of .361.  Not too shabby. 
The lowest run total so far has been five.  Last
season, they scored no more than two runs in their
first six, and just six runs total!  This is certainly
nice.  Also, the team ERA is sitting at 4.42, which
isn't too bad for the American  League, and certainly
ok if you're scoring over five runs per game.  
 
On opening day of the season (uh, how about last
Monday) I listened to some of the Twins game via MLB
radio (I was really in the mood to listen to a game). 
I found out that students can get tickets to watch the
Twins at the Metrodome for only three dollars every
Wednesday.  Oh I would kill for three dollar seats to
Comerica...but if you just get the eight dollar Fan
Stands seats, you also get a dog and a pop, so you're
set there.
 
I know that it's hockey and basketball season as well,
but good word, show me some baseball!  On both weekend
days, I was unable to get the game on the tele.  Not
what I like to see.
 
Holy cow I'm falling asleep at the keyoard. Not good. 
Time to get this out. 
 
I'm including the theme to "Baseball Tonight" with
this message.   If this song doesn't get you pumped up
for baseball, then I don't know what would.  
 
Ugh, I will do better next week.  
 
Get nominations in for dispicibility.  
 
I'm Out.
 





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